Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Day 34

I haven't updated in quite some time. Wow, where to start (fair warning, this will be a long post!). We're on day 34 and it's been a very interesting 34 days. I've found new friends (who are amazing) and I've found those of the "old" friends that actually care/understand/attempt to understand/support me/and are just amazing friends...there's a few that I can't say that much about...but whatever. Life goes on. I've found how important it is to have a group of people who are a major support system during this stressful time --- they totally understand what I'm going through and I'm able to support them, as well. I've found out how amazingly strong I am as a woman, mother, and wife. There's nothing like having some amazing responsibilities put in your path by God and having to complete all of those tasks "alone". I'm a full-time student, I'm a full-time mother (currently his sole caretaker), and a wife who's trying to make sure her Soldier is as comfortable and connected to his family as possible. Most of all, I've realized how much I love God and my family. My husband is an amazingly strong and courageous man - he's also the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. Constantly, day and night, I'm worried about my husband being in a war zone - however, I know by God's grace, he's going to be fine. I pray for him day and night, my friends and family pray for him day and night, and people I have never met and probably will never meet pray for him day and night.

I pray every night that this "nightmare" will end earlier than it's suppose to and my Soldier will come home safe and sound, long before he's suppose to. But I know the odds of that are very slim (if not completely not an odd at all, ha ha!) Although, with my wish of him to come home safe and early ... I must say, I'm so proud of the Soldier that he's become. He's doing exactly what he's dreamed of doing for a long time now, I'm so proud that he took that chance and did it! A lot of times, when a person has a strong career goal, they lose sight of what's important. Not my husband. He constantly tells me how proud he is to have such a supportive wife and that his family will always come first in his eyes, but that he's proud to have a family that understands the Army doesn't see it that way. Not a minute goes by, when he's able to call home, that he doesn't ask about how his son and wife are doing before he even dives into the things he wants to tell me about being over in the sand box (the things that he's able to tell me, that is).

So far, Noah's taken the separation very well. I can see little outbursts that normally didn't happen and I think that's how a one year old (almost two year old) will deal with a situation like this. Too young to understand why Daddy is gone, but old enough to realize that Daddy is gone. There are times when Noah will ask me to hold him and he'll ask me where Daddy is. I tell him "Baby boy, Daddy's working...but he will come back soon." After I tell him that, he seems fine. We have a bedtime ritual down now where he'll pick a picture of Daddy from the drawer in his bedroom (I have about 100 pictures in there for Noah) and we'll both kiss Daddy good night and Noah will have Daddy right there in bed with him all precious. I absolutely love it.

Anyway, that's all for now --- every day is a challenge but we're settling into a routine and we're counting down the days until R&R. You see, you never stop missing them...when your soul mate is gone for an extended period of time, you miss them until they're home. When your soul mate is gone for an extended period of time to a warzone..., you miss them and worry about them until they're home. But if there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, it's that God has my husband under His wing...he's going to be fine. I love you, Adam!!

"... But you know happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light..."

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